Today, I threw away his toothbrush

Today, I threw Brian’s toothbrush and razor away. I have stared at it multiple times a day wondering what I should do. Should I keep it there with mine, or do I throw it away? No one has touched either since the morning of January 21st. So as I cleaned bathrooms to try to get the flu bug out of my house, I threw the razor and the toothbrush into the trash.

It’s funny how a toothbrush can stir up all kinds of emotions. It is just the toothbrush he got from our dentist and the green Bic razor he insisted on using. If B was anything, he was frugal. He was careful about the money he spent unless it was on one of his girls. This trait has proven to be a blessing after his death.

We never wanted for anything. If he wasn’t on board with a purchase, he would look at me over the top of his glasses. Without saying a word, he said “Are you kidding me?” For the most part, the outcome was split 50-50. He had a sneaky way of sliding into conversation that he had been shopping for bats or some other piece of equipment even when i knew we didn’t have the money. Anything for his girls.

It never failed when I would ask for something for Christmas or my birthday, he would end up buying more than I had asked for.  He spoiled me. I miss that.

He loved us well. Even when we disagreed, I never questioned whether or not he loved me. For that I am grateful. In Lamentations 3:22, we read: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.” This is how our Heavenly Father is. His love for us never ends. It is longsuffering and endures whatever comes. God is faithful. I have been reminded of this over and over again during the 30 days that B was sick and in the almost 2 weeks since he went Home.

I am thankful for the picture of love that God gave me in our 17 year marriage. God is faithful. He has been providing for our every need before we even knew to ask. For that, I am so grateful.

I miss my guy terribly, but today it was time. Today, I threw away his toothbrush.