Stuck

I feel like a broken record. I can't seem to get out of this funk. Once again, I find myself with piles of things that must be done today, or was it yesterday? Yes, I am there. I have been blaming my lack of energy and motivation on my iron levels. (Hopefully the good doc will prove me right in a few weeks.) At the same time, I find myself realizing I might just have a hurting heart.

The frustrating thing is that my heart should be full of happiness. Our girls are healthy. Annie turned 4 on Saturday. I cannot believe it! What a joy she is! Ellie is doing great in school and has turned into the absolute biggest helper ever! No idea what I would do without her. Mollie is amazing me with her reading and all that she is learning. She is reading everything!! Brian is preparing to leave in a few weeks on another mission trip. This time he's heading to Africa. I  am so proud of him, and his obedient and willing spirit.

And, yet, my heart hurts. It hurts so bad that I find myself running from it. "It" is reality. It's the reality that the time is coming that a very big decision is about to be made about my grandmother, my Mom's, care. It's the reality that none of us are big enough to handle Alzheimer's. None of us were made to do this. It's the reality that all of our days are numbered.

When I was little, I was convinced my grandparents would live forever. I was blessed to be 29 years old before I ever had to face the reality of losing a grandparent. And now, here I am, 36 years old and running as hard as I can from a storm that is coming. This storm cannot be stopped.