As I left the hospital a day or two before Brian died, I remember thinking that surely we would be home in time for Spring Break. I wondered why I had not set it as a goal for us before this moment. Surely, it was a reasonable goal and something we could both look forward to because certainly he would get well. Almost immediately, I found myself wondering who I was to set goal for something over which I had absolutely no control. At the time, we were roughly four weeks from Spring Break. I remember wondering how we were that close to the break and what in the world had happened to the four weeks before that point. I also remember hearing a voice...I know it was the Lord preparing my heart. He said something along the lines of "Rachel, you can't set a goal for something that is not yours. Let me be in charge." I think I knew at that point that this wasn't going to end the way I wanted or had fantasized. I wasn't going to have my storybook, movie ending where Brian and I would stand before our family and friends and praise God for all he had done, yet we did get this. It's just that B was in heaven, and I was in our church surrounded by friends and family as we celebrated B's life and God's amazing blessings on our family and on B.
Four weeks after B passed away, it was Spring Break. After much prodding and tugging and pretty much telling me how things were going to go, my friend Heather convinced me to bring the girls and join their family and their friends from Centerton and go to Branson. I knew the girls would love the time away and getting to say that they did something fun for Spring Break. However, I wasn't sure I was ready to do all the things we always did as a family. However, we went. We stayed at Point Royale where we had stayed for the World Series and other trips. We went to Silver Dollar City and rode rides. We visited the outlets and ate at Fuddruckers. We did it. We had fun, and we made MORE memories. We talked about Brian and laughed. We made new friends. It was a great trip.
"Making more memories" is a phrase that a friend shared with me. She lost her husband a year ago and has shared wisdom and tips with me. I am so very grateful. So here's to making MORE memories and building on the legacy my love left for us....
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